Detox For Your Life

Now that I’ve seen you, I can’t unsee you

Possible reasons why people have difficulty seeing the change in someone else:

Familiarity bias: People often have preconceived notions or mental images of others based on past experiences and interactions. These preconceptions can create a cognitive bias that makes it difficult to perceive changes in someone's behavior or character.

Limited perspective: If someone has limited interactions or limited exposure to the person in question, they may not have enough information to notice significant changes. For example, if someone only sees a friend occasionally or hears about them through second-hand information, they may not be able to detect subtle or gradual changes.

Confirmation bias: People tend to seek out information that confirms their existing beliefs or expectations. If someone has a fixed perception of another person, they may unconsciously ignore or downplay evidence that contradicts their beliefs, making it difficult for them to see the changes that have occurred.

Emotional attachment: Strong emotional connections can cloud judgment and make it harder to recognize changes. When someone has a close relationship with another person, they may be more inclined to perceive them based on past memories or emotional associations rather than objectively evaluating their current behavior.

Lack of attention or awareness: People may not pay close attention to others or be aware of the subtle cues that indicate change. In a busy or distracted state, individuals may overlook behavioral shifts or fail to notice the differences that have occurred over time

Until you get clear on what you want, you will get something that kinda, sorta, almost but not quite meets it.

I read that the average person makes about 35,000 decisions a day. In life, in your career, in your relationships (friendships and romantic relationships), etc., if you don’t get clear on what you want, you will find yourself in a constant cycle of getting things that kinda, sorta, almost, but not quite meets it.

So how do you start getting clear on what you want? Take out a piece of paper and write the answer to these questions:

• What makes me happy? Make a list of the things that make you happy.
• What are my values and am I being true to them?
• What are my needs (e.g., financial, emotional, physical, etc,)?
• What would I do if there were no limits?
• What do I want my life to look like 3, 5, 10 years from now?
• What does a good life look like for me?
• What are my greatest accomplishments thus far?
• What are the things I do want in my life?
• What are the things I don’t want in my life?
• Who do I admire or get jealous of?
• What gives me purpose? What give my life meaning?
• For my intimate relationship, what does my ideal relationship look like?
• For my finances, what amount of money do I need to enhance the quality of my life?
• For my health, what does it mean for me to be healthy? How do I want to look and feel?
• What are the things/activities I do that put me in a flow state? 

 

Don’t Let Other People’s Frustration Become Your Frustration

If you find yourself taking on other people’s frustrations, first ask yourself, “Why am I frustrated by this”? Is this person known to overreact? In the past, when their frustrations became my frustrations, was their validity to the frustration (meaning was there a valid reason for you to be frustrated)?

It’s important to set emotional boundaries: stop taking on other people’s feelings. This can be a challenge for those of us who are an empath. In addition to setting emotional boundaries, ask yourself if what you are feeling, is that frustration, yours or someone else’s. “If it’s not your emotion, then you can let it go, simply by stating to yourself: This isn’t mine. I don’t have to take this on.” The moment you catch yourself feeling emotions that aren’t yours, raise your awareness of what’s happening within you – do you tense up?

Protect yourself from other people’s stuff. Remove yourself from the situation, whether it be temporary or long-term. Temporary looks like taking a little bit of time away from the person to get back to your center. Long-term may look like making the decision not to spend time with people who consistently drain your energy or want you to feel what they feel. Depending on your relationship with the person, this process may not be so easy, so be patient with the process. Don’t let other people’s frustration become your frustration. 

Tell Yourself the Truth First

In Cortney S. Warren’s book, Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception, she says, ““Self-deception comes from not having enough psychological strength to admit the truth and deal with the consequences that will follow when the truth is acknowledged.” She also says, “The more we lie to ourselves about how we are contributing to our problems, the more harm we will cause to ourselves and our relationships because we will blame others for undesirable aspects of our lives instead of taking responsibility for our role.”

When you lie to yourself:

• It can cause problems in your relationships
• It could lead to you making poor decisions
• It may prevent you from reaching your full potential
• You won’t know yourself as well as you should

Understanding the point where self-deception starts is important because this will help you learn how to stop lying to yourself.  Truth be told (no pun intended) You can never truly be honest with others if you aren’t first honest with yourself.

There’s a quote that says, “Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”

 

Just Leave it Alone

To leave alone means to refrain from annoying or interfering with

• Focus on what you can control.
• Embrace a growth mindset. To embrace a growth mindset, think of the word “yet” It hasn’t happened yet. You aren’t there yet. The power of Yet.  
• Journal to release all the things that are consuming your mind.
• Celebrate small wins.
• Lay aside your expectations.

Leave it alone! Trust the process

Quotes Inspire Me

The quotes that inspired today's podcast: 

When you show them you’ll stay through anything, that’s when they’ll put you through everything.

Intentionally leaving out details is lying too.

Even if our background and circumstances influence who we are, we are still responsible for who we become.

You can’t disappoint someone multiple times and expect their energy to still crave you.

The wrong person will distract you and the right person will motivate you.

When you avoid difficult conversations, you trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction.

They want you to forgive and forget while they are still doing it. 

Stop being on bad terms with people you love. Death is so random and permanent. 

Just because things would have been different that doesn’t mean they would have been better.

Bystander shrapnel

Finding the Joy within

Life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself

1. Decide that you are no longer willing to be at war with yourself. 
2. Awareness. Becoming aware of your negative self-talk 
3. Let Go of How Your Life “Looks” and Dedicate Yourself to Focusing on How Your Life “Feels.” 
4. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others. 
5. Speak to yourself as you would a close friend. 
6. Focus on your strengths. Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about yourself, focus on the things that you do like about you. F
7. Be intentional with how you spend your time. 
8. Be consistent. It’s so easy to slip back into your old, familiar patterns.

I may be slow, but I’m coming