Detox For Your Life

Half Love is not Healthy

The only thing worse than loving someone who doesn't love you is loving someone who loves you, but doesn't know how to show you love. 

You stay and wait because you see potential, you see what’s inside, you see what could be once you shatter all the walls so they can let you in. But they won’t let you in because they don’t have room for you, they won’t let you in because that means they have to share the deepest parts of themselves and that’s not something they know how to do. When you love someone who doesn’t know how to love, you eventually forget what love is or how it feels, you begin to love poorly, selfishly, you become stingy with your heart.  When you fall for someone who doesn’t know how to love, you forget that someone out there knows how, you forget that you could find someone who reinforces everything you believe about love instead of challenging it and you forget that someone out there wants to love you — not break you.

Signs of a healthy relationship. 

• You admire your partner for who he or she is as a person
• Your partner is trustworthy
• Your partner makes time for you on a regular basis
• Your partner accepts responsibility for their actions
• Your partner is your biggest cheerleader
• You and your partner are on the same page in terms of your basic values and life goals
• Your partner is affectionate
• Your partner talks about your future together so you can create a shared vision of your relationship
• You each keep your own identify within the relationship
• You spend quality time together doing things that are mutually fulfilling as well as quality time apart doing what is important to you individually
• You encourage each other to grow and change. In other words, you inspire each other to be a better person.
• You and your partner feel safe communicating personal needs and wants
• You respect each other's differences even if you disagree on important issues
• You share realistic expectations for the relationship, not what you wish or fantasize it should be
• Each of you contributes your fair share to the relationship, whatever that happens to be. Each partner brings their best strengths and abilities for the benefit of the “team."

 

That Gut Feeling, is it really intuition or fear

Is it your intuition or your fears/anxiety?

1. Anxiety Doesn't Let Up
2. Anxiety Causes You To Worry About The Future
3. Anxiety Causes Feelings Of Uncertainty
4. Anxiety Interferes With Everyday Life"
5. Intuition Can Be Tested & Verified
6. Intuition Helps Center You
7. Anxiety Is A Reaction To A Perceived Threat
8. Intuition Is Accompanied By Feeling Relaxed
9. Intuition Is About Focusing On The Present, Anxiety Is About Focusing On The Future
10. Anxiety Is More Demanding Than Intuition

Your Mind Should be Like Teflon

How do you stop your mind from being like Velcro and shift to being more like Teflon?

 

1. It starts with you first understanding your thinking style. Are you a Black and white thinking means seeing everything in extremes? Do you do mental filtering - only see the negative parts of situations. Do you overgeneralize – meaning do you believe that the results of one situation predict the results of all future situations? Do you jump to conclusions - believe that you know what others are thinking? Do you do emotional reasoning - believe that if you feel something it must be true. You might believe that because you feel anxious, there is something in a situation to be feared. Do you turn small problems into big ones or blow things out of proportion.
2. Write down why the negative thought is present. Writing versus thinking helps purge the thought out, and when you cansee the words on paper or a screen it is easier to make sense of it and move forward.
3. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness creates a distance between yourself and your thoughts, allowing you to view yourself as separate from them.
4. Know your triggers. Certain people, situations, and circumstances may set into motion a seemingly endless stream of negative thoughts (or perhaps more than usual) so it’s important to be aware of them.
5. Use affirmations. When you wake up, open your eyes and feel gratitude for the new day. Write down daily affirmation.
6. Surround yourself with positive people.
7. Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive. Instead of thinking, “this isn’t going to work out” change your tone to, “even if there are bumps in the road, this is going to work out in my favor.”
8. Practice gratitude daily.  

Emotions Don't Come with a Manual

Ask yourself, AM I EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE? Here are some ways to tell:

 

1. You want to breakup whenever you hit a rough patch
2. You don't want to talk about the future
3. You don't involve your partner in your life. 
4. You have self-centered behavior. 
5. You avoid displays of affection. 
6. The closer someone tries to get to you, the more you feel distant. 
7. When your partner is direct about their feelings for you, it makes you feel unsure about everything
8. You don't trust others because you don't trust yourself. 
9. You're always trying to outsmart your own heart. 
10. You look outside to others to show you love, but you don’t put much effort into showing love to others. 
11. You're stuck on past relationships.
12. You aren't willing to show your real self

Tips to help you become more emotionally available

1. Go back to the beginning. Where did your emotional unavailability start? 
2. Identify which emotions you try to avoid or shut out. 
3. Work on your patterns. Write down a list of the positive and negative traits of past partners and your own past patterns. 
4. Identify your relationship character.  Who do you become when you’re attracted to somebody, or you begin dating or are in a relationship? 
5. Get conscious about your habits. 
6. Make your partner’s needs and feelings equal to yours. 
7. Make a decision about your current relationship. Either commit to showing up or commit to being done.
8. Figure Out Your Biggest Fear: Face It or F’ It. 
9. (Un) Learn (Re) Learn Communication. Most of us never learn how to properly communicate.
10. Catch your negative self-talk and try to respond positively or at least realistically. Y
11. Be patient with yourself and the process. 
12. Come to terms with a particular loss 
13. Stop the secret life.
14. Be open to new experiences.
15. Spend time around emotionally available people.
16. Make time for your partner. Place your partner at the top of your priority list. 

Break the chains of generational toxicities

Tips on breaking generational cycles/dysfunction/toxicities

• Become aware of your family’s destructive patterns or behaviors. This is the first step in moving toward healthy behaviors. 
• Take ownership of your own actions, attitudes, beliefs, and emotions. 
• Evaluate your present relationships. Are they healthy? 
• Practice. Awareness and understanding are your starting place. Now it’s time to put things into practice.
• Be patient with yourself and others. It's going to take time to adopt new behaviors and patterns.  

You had to be that person to become this one

Tips to help you on your “journey” to become who you are:

1. Work on your negative traits.
2. Identify your ideal self. 
3. Commit yourself to growth (Be Growth-oriented). 
4. Be Adaptable/Flexible/Versatile. 
5. Be Confident.
6. Be Emotionally Generous. 
7. Be Empathetic. 
8. Be Optimistic/Positive.
9. Have Faith. 
10. Be Grateful. 
11. Be Patient. 
12. Be Self-Loving.
13. Be Self-Reflective. 
14. Be Forgiving.

 

 The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be

Be a cans collector

10 things to tell yourself instead of I can’t:

1. I am doing my best every day. Even if when you first start telling yourself this, you aren’t really doing your best every day, the more you say this to yourself, the more your best will show up.
2. The best is yet to come. Too often people spend way too much time on what didn’t work out & they believe that is an indication of what’s to come. Well, the best is what’s to come.
3. The greatest mistake I will make is by living in fear that I will make one. Honestly, true failure is not trying.
4. I will celebrate my failures. Failure is part of the process. Failure is a great teacher. As difficult as it may be, try to be grateful for the failure. According to Oprah, failure is another step to greatness.
5. There were times before when I said I can’t, but I did. Reflect on past successes. It’s human nature to focus on the negatives but take a moment to pause and think about other times you thought you couldn’t, but you did.
6. I am not going to let things discourage me. Richard Evans said it best when he said, “Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.”
7. I believe in myself. Be your own cheerleader. Have your own “you got this” moment with yourself.
8. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. You have the power to choose. You determine what your future will be. You are in the driver’s seat of your life.
9. I love myself. When you love yourself, you want the best for yourself and you go out there and get it.
10. I am grateful for every day. I ALWAYS emphasize the importance of gratitude. Being grateful leads to more happiness and being more optimistic.

Try saying these to yourself on a consistent basis. Turn your cant’s into cans – it’s time for you to be a cans collector. 

The Wegmans Effect

You’ve heard the expression, your energy introduces you before you even speak. What energy do you give off? How do people feel when they are around you? When people walk away from meeting with you or talking with you, do they feel like they had an “experience” – a good one?

I want to share with you eight ways to make sure you are giving people an awesome experience when they encounter you:

1. Connect with your inner positive vibes – meaning identifying your best qualities and project them to the world. The more positive energy you give off, the more positive energy you will receive.
2. Display positive body language. 55% of communication is body language. Negative body language, such as crossing your arms, putting your hands in your pockets or slouching, can make you seem closed off or withdrawn. Make sure you are standing with your shoulders back, your arms are not crossed, and make you are making eye contact.
3. Be aware of your color choices. Don’t underestimate the power of colors.  The colors you wear make people feel a certain way. Certain colors say that you are friendly and engaging.
4. You’ve seen the meme that says, if someone doesn’t have a smile, give them yours. This is so true. SMILING is kinda like yawning, it’s contagious.
5. Do your words smile when you speak? Now, this is different from the previous one. You’ve heard the expression, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. When you say hello, does it sound like it took every ounce of energy to speak or does your hello say H E L L O it’s a beautiful day and I’m glad to see you?
6. Give compliments. Yes, you want to make sure your compliments are genuine. I’m really good at this. If I like someone’s dress or tie or hairstyle or think they did an excellent job on something or see they really tried (even if they failed), and the list goes on, I make sure I compliment them.
7. Stay in the moment. If you are like me, you can tell when someone is distracted, whether it be in person or on the phone. Not giving someone your FULL attention sends out a negative vibe, and honestly, it’s borderline disrespectful. It makes people less likely to want to engage with you.
8. Practice daily gratitude. When you focus on the positives in your life, your energy and your vibe will be positive.

If you practice these on a regular, your energy will have the Wegmans’ effect. 

Tell-tale signs of a bad organizational culture that can be spotted during the job interview

Some tell-tale signs of a bad organizational culture that can be spotted during the job interview

 

• Body Language: Is the interviewer constantly shifting in his/her chair? Is the interviewer  paying more attention to his/her phone than the interviewee? Is the interviewer avoiding eye contact? Is the interviewer  rifling through papers when the interviewee is talking?
• They put a lot of pressure on you to take the position. They are trying too hard to close the deal. The more the interviewee questions about the potential job (once an offer has been made), the more irritated they become, and they force the selectee to make a quick decision.
• The interviewer is late. The interviewer doesn’t respect the interviewee's time to show up on time, and then when he/she sits down to conduct the interview, it appears he/she hasn’t even looked at the interviewee's resume.
• Word Choice: When they ask the interviewee a question, do they begin the sentence with a negative message? Are the scenarios they ask the interviewee to answer all negative scenarios?
• The company has a history of high turnover. Make sure you do research in advance. There are several sites where you can find out information on a company, sites such as Indeed and Glassdoor. You can also go to various sites to see if the company has been sued by employees and why, sites such as Justia, Lexis Academic, EDGAR (SEC filings).
• Extreme Friendliness: Sometimes the potential supervisor who appears to be extremely nice will end up being one of the worse bosses ever.
• Self-Absorption: Does the interviewer appear to be more concerned with telling you about him/her than hearing about you, your experiences, and your skills? Does he/she question the answer you provided for a particular question, as if to indicate your answer was wrong?
• Trust Your Gut: If something doesn't feel right to you about the job, more times than not, your gut is right.  

The Words "I Love You" aren't enough

LOVE IS AN ACTION 

I once read a quote that says, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” Do you make it a point to show your mate loving feelings through loving actions? Sadly, all too often the ones to whom many people give the fewest appreciative words and kindly actions are their loved ones.

20 ways to show love as an action

1. Share your fears and vulnerabilities with your mate
2. Pay attention to your mate
3. Be emotionally and physically faithful to your mate
4. Accept and celebrate your mate's uniqueness and differences
5. Love without strings attached
6. COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!!
7. Work on your goals and dreams together
8. Forgive
9. Apologize when you are in the wrong or have offended your mate
10. If you have kids, don't forget to schedule alone time and date nights
11. Encourage your mate to be the best person they can be
12. Laugh and enjoy your mate
13. Be open and honest with your mate
14. Give more than you take in the relationship
15. Before your point the finger at your mate, examine your actions first
16. Do sweet, little gestures to show appreciation - don't wait till a special occasion 
17. Show affection
18. Give your mate space when he/she needs it
19. Say, "Thank You"
20. Compromise, be flexible